Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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