Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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