omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
