does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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