I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
