it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
