I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
