I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
