Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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