trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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