I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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