how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
