Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
