do herpes really smell.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
