We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
