you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
