I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
