K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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