I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Are we still banned from the library?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
