I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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