he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
