To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
