Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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