do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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