My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
