I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
