We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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