okay pat passed out under dana's car
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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