This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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