i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
