I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
