as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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