Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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