Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
