Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
