new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
