Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
