you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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