Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
