sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
