She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
