She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I deserve this hangover.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
