Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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