i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
