i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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