News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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