How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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