I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
