Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
