I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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