I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
