At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
