I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
