Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
