the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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