I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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