I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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