I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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