He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
