i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
sarcasm needs its own font
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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