i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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