guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am naked and annoyed.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
