and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
