he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
