Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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