girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Drake has all the answers
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
