I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
