i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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