I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
