non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
