I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize